Wednesday, July 9, 2014

I'm Heated, No Seriously


So my patient friends, I would apologise for another long absence from blogging but if I did so every time I went a month without posting, well I'd be apologising a lot. And you all know me well enough to know I tend to disappear for weeks at a time and then casually reemerge from my cave as if I haven't been a hermit this whole time. I have a number of posts waiting to go up once I've included the pictures, but I would like to interrupt said schedule to tell you all one thing straight away:

IT'S HOTTER THAN HELL RIGHT NOW.

I've read quite a few Facebook posts that were all something to the effect of, Gee wiz it's hot here! Almost 90 degrees! Time to lay out in the hot summer sun! I'm loving this 'vacation weather'

To which I reply, kindly shut. your. mouth.

While you are all enjoying your 'vacation weather' or whatever you call it, this side of the world is roasting. The heat here in Chongqing right now is oppressive, it's stifling, it's relentless, it's ruthless, it's suffocating. And those are just the words I can think of without pulling out a thesaurus.

You guys, it feels like some sweaty, hairy sumo-wrestling giant has wrapped his arms around me and body slammed me straight into hell. It's like I can feel the hot, sticky breath of satan on my neck every time I leave my apartment. It's like somehow the atmosphere knows to leave a hole in the sky right above me so that solar flares can descend upon me like a fiery balrog and char my flesh. I'm not even joking. Air conditioning has become a religious experience for me and I've literally given offerings to my AC unit above my bed in the hopes that it will never turn it's back on me in this time of need.

So, go. Enjoy your 'vacation weather'. Soak in the sun. Have a hot dog. But check your meteorological privilege long enough to appreciate that some of us are not exactly appreciating this GLORIOUS season, thanks.

You guys know what I'm talking about.


No comments:

Post a Comment